She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.  (28)  Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.  (29)  Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.  (30)  Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.  (31)  Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. 

Proverbs 31:27-31 

Explanation:

Often as a person is concerned with things outside of their home, the home itself gets neglected.  This is a recipe for many problems in our culture.  So many people succeed at business, community pursuits, political and social interaction, and then lose at home.  This is not the characteristic of the virtuous woman.  The fourth characteristic we see about this virtuous woman is that she is honored by her family.

Verse 27 clearly states that she does not abandon her home responsibilities.  How can she be productive in business and community and in her own household.  The second part of verse 27 answers this, at least in part, when it says that she “eateth not the bread of idleness.”  The virtuous woman is not lazy.  She works hard and uses her time wisely.

Verse 28 gives us the result of all of this labor.

• Her kids publicly praise her.  In the Old Testament Scriptures, honoring your mother and father is one of the 10 commandments, and of supreme importance.  Although there is no caveat given for children not to honor their parents, it is much easier to honor your parents when your parents are honorable.  This is the sense we get from verse 28.  Her kids are calling her blessed because it is so obvious in her life. 
• Her husband praises her as well.  We already saw at the beginning of the poem that her husband trusts her with his heart.  She has made it possible for him to be praised and influential at the gate.  Now, as a result he praises her as well.

Verse 29 states that this virtuous woman, by her virtue and quality of life, sets herself apart from other women.  Thus the statement earlier in the text that her price is far above rubies.  She is a rarity.  She is not average.  Most women are not like her.  Why?

Well verse 30 states at least part of the reason why.  “Favour is deceitful and beauty is vain.”  Those who spend their time wanting to be merely externally beautiful and popular are working towards the wrong goal.  They have their ladder up against the wrong wall.  Popularity fades.  Beauty fades.  What is the contrast?  A woman who fears the Lord shall be praised.  The internal quality of soul, spirit, relationship with God, and growth of the inner person is what will drive the kind of virtue that leads a woman to be praised in the right way.  That kind of quality will not fade.  Paul said it this way in 2 Corinthians 4:16 

“….but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.”

Verse 31 states how she should be dealt with by her family.  “Give her of the fruit of her hands.”  President Abraham Lincoln said it this way: 

“I always thought the man that made the corn should eat the corn.”

Abraham Lincoln

Let her be productive and live off of her own productivity.  Her own works will be what she is known for, especially in places of prominence.

Application:

In many ways it is easier to have a good reputation outside of your house than inside.  Our families see us every day, and they see us over a long period of time.  We are up close and personal.  They see the best and the worst.  If our public morality and reputation exceeds our private virtue it will catch up to us.  The person that is personally virtuous will have a public and private life that match.  Their reputation among their children and spouse will be good.  What an incredible goal to have!

Response:

• Are you the same person at home and in public?
• Are you concerned with your reputation with your kids and spouse at an appropriate level?

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.  (24)  She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.  (25)  Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.  (26)  She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.  

Proverbs 31:23-26 

Explanation:

There is a third characteristic of the virtuous woman revealed in these verses.  She is a woman who is reputable in her community.  She has a good reputation beyond her own household.  Take a moment to see this characteristic in today’s verses:

Verse 23 explains that her husband is “known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land”.  The gates of the city in those times were often used for the meeting of the leaders of the city.  This is where city business was often done.  Her husband is aided in his ability to lead and influence outside of the home because of her productivity in the home and beyond.

Verse 24 describes her interaction with those in business.  They do business with her because of the quality of her work.  The context makes it clear that this isn’t a one-time transaction, but rather an ongoing business relationship.  People do not do business in an ongoing way with people of poor reputation.

Verse 25 states that “strength and honour are her clothing”.  Clothing does not just cover and conceal, it also decorates.  What decorates the life of this virtuous woman are strength and honour.  This is what people see when they look at her.  This brings her joy!

Verse 26 states that she is known as a person whose speech is wise and kind.  One of the most public things about a person are the kinds of words they use.  People form opinions about the kind of person some is by the words they use, and by how a person’s life matches up with what they say. 

Application:

We ought to live primarily with God as our Audience.  He is the primary person we should be concerned with pleasing.  At the same time we all live on this earth among people, and our reputation is very important.  Look at what Jesus told his disciples in Matthew 5:16:

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.  Matthew 5:16 

Notice the areas where the virtuous woman had a good reputation where we should have great reputations, too:

• Community and Politics.  Her husband at the gate.
• Business.  Her relationship to the merchants.

Notice also the qualities that are noticed about her that we should exhibit if we are to have a good reputation:

• Strength.
• Honor.
• Wise Speech.
• Kind Speech.

Notice that when these qualities (strength, honor, wisdom and kindness) are brought to bear in the community, in our political life, and in business, our reputation and influence will honor God.  The influence of those connected to us will grow. 

Response:

• What is your reputation like?  Would these four qualities be characteristic of your reputation?
• What is your speech like?  Is it wise and kind?
• What can you do to improve your reputation and influence in the community?

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.  (12)  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Proverbs 31:11-12 

Explanation:

There are four general qualities of the virtuous woman that are described in this text.  Today we see the first quality.  The virtuous woman is committed to her husband.  How do we know this?

Verse 11 says that her husband can completely trust her.  Notice the word “safely” in the phrase.  This means that a wise man can confidently and wisely put his trust in his wife if the wife is virtuous.  This trust is well placed.  He has “no need of spoil”.  This means that she contributes to the home in such a way that it helps him in his provision for the family.  They are working together to support the needs of the family.

Verse 12 describes this woman as the kind of person that will be faithful for a lifetime.  Her character and reputation warrant trust, and create an expectation that she will do good and not evil to her husband.  How does someone gain this kind of trust?  Years of faithfulness and loyalty to a person leads to the expectation that what has happened in the past will go on into the future.

Application:

To summarize in a way that applies to us, how is commitment expressed by a person of virtue?

1.  Trust with matters of the heart- intimacy. (v. 11a) 

A virtuous person is careful with the heart of their spouse.  They can trust that what is said in private confidence will not be made public. They are open to listen and respond to the heart of their spouse.  This produces an intimacy both physically and emotionally.

2.  Trust with matters of the home- stewardship. (v. 11b)

The stewardship of the resources of home leads to trust.  If a spouse cannot trust the other with their stuff, or their spending, this creates a problem for intimacy (#1) and longevity (#3).

3.  Trust that grows over a lifetime- longevity. (v.12)

Marriage is a lifelong commitment that is expressed every day in matters large and small.  Trust is built over time as loyalty and faithfulness are expressed in a multitude of ways. 

One cannot be called wise or virtuous if they are not committed in matters of intimacy and stewardship for the full longevity of the lifetime of their spouse.  If the person you are most committed to cannot trust you, then no one can.

Response:

• As you think through these 3 areas of intimacy, stewardship, and longevity, how are you doing with your spouse?  Where can you grow?
• If you don’t have a spouse now, are you growing as the kind of person that could make that kind of commitment?  Where can you grow?